Sunday, June 28, 2009

Crossroads


I guess the Britney Spears song doesn't apply to me anymore. The one that goes "I'm not a girl. Not yet a woman." But then again, never really was much of a Britney fan, so life goes on for me.

29. My last year being in my 20's. I don't know what 30 is supposed to feel like, I guess this is it. Nothing is as simple as it used to be before. From the time you wake up, 'til the last thoughts at night, nothing is as it looks anymore. I always wished for more responsibility. Owning my own business. Then here I am, without me knowing. Taking care of not only a business but a legacy. Of people who have been here longer than my own lifetime. Responsible for their welfare. What I do affects them and their families. How did I get to this point, anyway? It just zipped by me. One minute I'm just a glorified assistant. Next, I'm where I am now.

One thing about getting older is that life is no longer about easy choices. There are crossroads everywhere. How you were raised and how you learned throughout your lifetime so far comes into play now more than ever. It demands sacrifices as well. Sacrifices that tears some dreams and builds new ones. But all the same it hurts to no end but gives you such peace and fulfillment when you made the right steps.

More than ever God has become more real in my life. I cannot even begin to describe it. How he protects me from my own stupidity. Opens up doors that I never knew I needed to be opened. Protects me from long-term hits. But at the same time, requires my loyalty and obedience every single day even if it means the prolonged answer of a heart-breaking prayer or what turns out to be an unanswered one. He has His plans and His purposes. I cling tightly even more so to the God of my life. I want to cling on to the promises of hope and miracles. I need it. I don't deserve it. But He knows my heart. I pray for an Abraham-Isaac moment.

So here I am, 29. I wonder what this year has in store for me. I'm just so grateful for all the things God has done in my life. No words can ever express. I won't even try to.

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