The night that finally got me!

Dec. 26, 2009: The night that will live in infamy! The night I finally reached and surpassed my limit. And I'm already 29. Fuuuhhhhnnn! All I can say is, its Joey Dako's fault!

circle of doom!

still okay... wait for it...

this pic's a keeper. and i got bryan to crack a smile!

why is joey hugging my bf? hmmm...

cracks me up every time i look at this.

Y-M-C-?

i love u man!

nacho macho love

rardi-buuuooooyyyy :D

Christmas 2009. What a rush! All the way up to the day before, I thought we would have a different Christmas. But thank God we are almost out of that one.

I'm grateful that Lola is out of the hospital and back home. Though still a bit groggy but she will get better. She just needs to let go and let it take its course for now.

The gifts I got this Christmas are pretty unique this year. I got the usual cash which is also appreciated. 2 trucks (I got a Giga!). Well, they were not exactly gifts but they what I desperately need to make my worth life bearable :D Joey and Vic2 also gave me a printer/scanner/copier. Joy of joys! hehehe

Going to Iloilo again later so my holiday treats are only just beginning :) Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

When the winds turn

Lola Cora was rushed to the hospital Monday night after a whole day of being "high". She took some medication, recommended by her doctors, but the side effects were so scary. She took them the night before and the next day she was woozy, she couldn't speak well, she couldn't walk the way she used to walk and she couldn't even pick up a spoon. She was also hallucinating! She kept seeing people and colors. It really scared all of us. She was mumbling and speaking of things we couldn't understand. Plus she kept jerking uncontrollably. That has never happened to her before.

Up to last night she was still out of wack and getting pretty frustrated and mad. I know my Lola and she prides herself with the way she has taken care of her body and health. She cannot even bring herself to believe she is this old (88 years old). She still thinks she can do the things she used to do and when she doesn't, she beats herself up over it. Seeing her as she was last night, I got choked up so many times. This was the woman who singlehandedly showed me that we shouldn't give up even if the odds are against us (she was widowed when she was 30 with 4 kids and never got to finish college). To fight for what we believe in and to have faith, unparalleled by nothing else, in our life. That God is and will be our meaning for living.

At the same time we get news that April needed to be operated on because her baby was getting stressed and they had to get it out. It was due next month already. Her road to motherhood has been so bad. I have never known anyone who has gone through the things she has went through. I admire her so much and was really praying for her and Gabi. They deserve this baby so much. But as of 1am this morning, Tita Ting updated us with the news that Michael has gone home to our Creator. My heart dropped.

Christmas Eve is tomorrow but this is definetely a Christmas I will never forget and will be unlike all the others. I just want Lola to come home and for Gabi and April to have God's best.

Reliving and Rewriting

Took a peak at my resolution last year. So far, only was able to do number 5: getting rid of my mole! The rest... Weeelllll... Half-heartedly done and not sure if I really did a good job. So let's try to do this again. God knows I do this every single year anyway :D

1. Still try to hold my temper. I get nastier by the year, I think. Oh no... Is it I get nastier or do the people I have around me get slower by the year? I think I'll focus on myself.

2. Now is the time to really try to reach my target, financially. Its now or never.

3. Try to have more discipline in the food I eat and the way I exercise. Find more ways to get off my bum and restrain myself, because the more I get stressed, the more I crave for food. Salty, fatty, crunchy food. Argh!

4. Still try to dress my age. More lines in me this year than the year before. I'm almost 30! Olay pls!

5. Try not to stress too much on things that I can and never will be in control of.

Kinda similar to last year. But then again, I'm still willing to try.

souled

At Soul Superclub (who would have thought Roxas would have a superclub?) during Halaran. Took a terrible beating during the badminton tournament, but thank God got to get it all out right after.

As usual, my Prince Charming fails to crack out a smile. Good thing he is the complete opposite off cam. Now that would be a biiiigggg problem! :D

Feeling the squeeze

I just have to ask, whatever happened to the days wherein people were satisfied with their performance rather than how much they can get out of it? People have no sense of pride anymore. Whoever can give the lowest price or biggest return, even if it means substandard means to get to the finish, that whoever gets it! Its so infuriating! Here I am trying to set a standard in which I can be proud of and not swindling anyone in the process and I always seem to get the short end of the stick.

The year is about to end and I still have so many things to work out. I pray for the new year, among the long list of other things, that God grant me His insight into the situations that face me. My own perception can only bring me as far. I need help. His help. Help!

Prince Charming in the making

And then the princess is whisked off into the sunset by her Prince Charming. And they lived happily ever after. The end.

Its the same formula, right? Princess is in trouble, rescued by her Prince and problem solved. Her life is perfect from then on. Rrrrrriiiiiiggghhhhttt...

When we were 5, this was the dream. When we finally meet a lot of toads, the story changes in more ways than one. Things that fairytales leave out, from my point of view:

1) We've heard this one before: you have to kiss (or meet) a whole lotta frogs before you can even get to your "prince".

2) More often then none, its not happily ever after. No castles or mice to help you out.

3) Some of us take longer than others to find their prince. Some princes took the wrong turn or messing with the evil stepsister in the meantime. Grrr...

4) You end up with mostly Gastons. No wonder Belle opted for the Beast. The Beast was more bearable. You know the type.

5) Romeo and Juliet is more close to reality, I guess. And it wasn't made out to be a fairy tale.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being negative. i just like to poke fun at the situation. No sense in trying to mope around about it. I'm more than happy being in the relationship that I am finally in. Hence, I go back to the way we were raised. Fairy tales were all we knew back then. Disney made a whole lot of cash in the development of little girls and gays.

But finally being in the real world, you can only hope and pray for such a relationship. But 100% not gonna happen in the way you always dreamed it would be. But we keep on dreaming. Thats how we form our "standards", I think. We shape the guy we want to end up with based on how we, as children, found attractive and perceived a real man should be.

More often than none, I learned that Prince Charmings are not found as Prince Charmings already. Some still have to change into someone's Prince Charming. Funny how reality is.

You will be missed, Mark

Mark Vincent Gan, born 1979, died 2009. He was 30 years old.

I can't recall how Mark and I really got to know each other but we had a lot of common friends. He was close to my college friends and my cousins and would occassionally run in to him from time to time.

He and his family came over to Roxas a few years ago to hold a special service in our church. Since then we would text more often and update each other on just about anything we could think of at the moment. I would be cooking something and telling him about it and he would proudly talk about his blueberry cheesecake.

He would talk about his days as a medical student, then his duties until he was about to take the board exam. Can't recall if that was about the last time we texted or was it last year when he updated me on an ex boyfriend's wedding (they were friends, too).

All in all, everybody agrees that he was a great guy. A genuine good guy who will be greatly missed. Gone too soon. It shocked me when we found out last Dec 8. Almost like it was happening to somebody else and it doesn't hit you directly for a while because the concept is just too far fetched.

He was laid to rest today. I know he had faith and he knew who his Lord and Saviour is. Though we are sad, he is where he belongs. Where he will always be loved and at peace. He could have made a great doctor.

Exhaling

I remember the movie, "Waiting to Exhale" by Whitney Houston years ago. The point of the theme song of the same title was that even when you have all these bad things happening all around you, you inevitably, in one time or another get to the point after holding so much in, you get to exhale.

I guess yesterday was one of those days. As crappy as it was, I got a good ending out of it. I know what I can and cannot do (most of the time) at this point in my life. Some things have just gone past their prime and I'm ready to settle myself into a more different way. Its sad in a way that I never got to progress as I have hoped, but life moves on and so must I. Lets just say that the experience yesterday has put a very bitter taste in my mouth, so to speak.

But I had a glorious finish. Totally different from the bangungot that I had. I'm just glad I'm out of the foxhole. I guess, I'm referring to myself as being attached na. Its really a relief. Just the mere thought of myself going back into the single scene... makes my head and heart hurt just reliving it again. Just very thankful for where I am at this moment and that I get to do and share so many things for the first time. I'm happy.

So shoop shoop shoop shoo be doop! :D

"If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow - to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him - then the Lord will drive out all these nations before you, and you will dispossess nations larger and stronger than you. Every place where you set your foot will be yours. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the western sea. No man will be able to stand against you. The Lord your God, as he promised you, will put terror and fear of you on the whole land, wherever you go."

- Deu. 11:22-25

I'm going to be 30 soon and life is never going to go back to simple again, as much as I hope it would be at some point. Work in itself is already a reality. I used to be able to just step aside in the shadows and echo the things my dad would say and do, my actions holding no immediate or dire consequence to anyone. "Oooops" doesn't work as well anymore. I say "Oooppss" and other people are dragged along with me. My common sense brings them up with me, my pagka lipong, down.

Its verses like this that gives me hope and strength. I know all my efforts can never bring me to the level I dream of. Its all God's work. It has become clear, how God can manipulate things to our favor. Despite our wrong choices, he already opened door/s that will give you a more graceful exit into something, sometimes not what you would expect, but a place that is more secure.

So onwards to new territorries, more headaches and more lessons I know I will look back on and laugh, someday.

Still so wonderfully surprised...

It is still a shock but so happy this is happening. Christian has found his match and it took him quite a while. But he found her. So happy for my cousin.

http://animoto.com/play/2mpG0fpQy0gEIw0c3rWFvw?utm_campaign=share_email&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_email

Thanks to Larissa for this link.